BIg Brother Eviction....

Well folks my time in the Big Brother house has come to an end and I am finally doing what I came here for, and that's to go live in the big scary Jungle!!!
There have been a few changes at Raleigh field base in the last couple of days and as a result of this my destination has changed completely. I will now be....

Job: Project Manager
Place: Batu Puteh
Project: Build an Eco Lodge

Simple eh!

Thankfully the project is already off the ground so we shan't be digging foundations (I hope!). We will however be constructing boardwalks, building chalets and creating trails. Suffice to say I am ridiculously excited and can't wait to get out there. Just think I will actually be building something that you guys can pay to stay in for your holidays!!!!

The reason I am so positive about the project is because it is working very closely with the local community. It is a profit share system so when the camp is finally up and running the whole village will benefit financially. I love the theory behind it so I'm keen to get out there and see if it really is going to work that way.

The top photo is part of the main building and the second one is our "accommodation". 5 star all the way baby! Before you start feeling sorry for me look at the piccie below. That's going to be my journey to work. Not bad eh. Sure beats the Northern Line on a Monday morning.

So, I'm obviously not going to have access to an Internet cafe for the foreseeable. I will be forwarded post (hint, hint) so feel free to drop me a line c/o The Jungle, Sabah, Borneo (or use the address below if you actually want me to get it.) Also feel free to send over any unwanted power tools, DIY manuals or unemployed construction workers!!

Wish me luck
Bye for now....... Vic xxxxxxx

The Village People

As surreal experiences go, yesterday's has to be up there with the best. I had the pleasure of attending a Raleigh opening in a tiny little place called Sosondoton. The lovely man with the pink ribbon below is none other than the Minister for Youth & Culture and he is proudly opening a gravity water system that is bringing clean water into the village for the first time.

It was an absolutely fantastic day. The villagers were so smiley and the kids (yes I know I hate kids) were all dressed up in their Sunday best singing their little hearts out. There was lots of back slapping, hand shaking and general smiling to be done by all. The Raleigh kids (sorry - young people) got to dress up and take part in bamboo dancing and Malay singing which was atrocious and hilarious at the same time but the true highlight of the day came when the villagers rolled out their very own Karaoke machine!!!! After a LOT of bad Malay singing the locals finally got bored of entertaining us and let us have free reign on the mics. Unfortunately for them one of the clever little Raleighites worked out how to hook my ipod up to the Karaoke machine - and you all know how bad my taste in music is. We decided that the only song we all knew the words - and actions - to was YMCA by the village people so we took to the stage to strut our funky stuff. Naturally we went down a storm and had the real village people in hysterics. Then the next track came on before we had time to turn the machine off. Well, I have never seen such an instant reaction to a song in my life. Within the opening few bars of 'In the Navy' by the Village People, the older menfolk had skulked onto the dance floor and were twisting and pointing like they were having a collective fit. It was absolutely bizarre - they loved it!!!! Suffice to say the rest of my ipod repertoire went down a storm and the night aptly ended with a stirling rendition of locals and Raleighites jointly belting out Oasis classic Don't Look back in Anger. All that the night was missing was a leg kicking finale of New York New York !!

Bikini Bridesmaid

Picture the scene.... The blushing bride and her dashing new husband are standing under a rose covered arch in a posh hotel waiting to greet their handsome guests. What is the last thing that they would expect to see?
(a) The Virgin Mary
(b) The Pope
(c) ME, dripping wet in a bikini
Suffice to say any of the above would be quite shocking but unfortunately for me, the correct answer is (c).

I finally had a day off on Saturday but due to the zillion Raleigh rules and regulations I have to abide by, I couldn't actually wander very far. The best I could come up with was a trip to the big city and a day spent lounging by the pool in the Regent Hyatt hotel. So far so good. Unfortunately the pool was outside and the changing rooms were inside. So far inside in fact that you had to walk down two corridors and a reception room to get to them. This was all well and good on Saturday afternoon when the building was pretty empty but by the time I had squeezed the last drop out of my day off and finally wandered back into the hotel, a whole wedding party plus photographer had arrived. I managed to make it through the corridors unnoticed but then I opened the door to the reception room and found myself behind a Bride & Groom having their photo taken under a rose covered arch. I actually had to ask them to move to get past. I don't know who was more shocked - me or them. I was absolutely mortified. I did my best to hold my head high and smile my way across but it felt like the longest walk of my life.

It's certainly not the first wedding I've ever gatecrashed but I usually have the decency to wear clothes!!

Please Mr Postman

Right folks, for those techno-phobes among you I have a very simple way of staying in touch. It's called a pen and a piece of paper, and involves you investing in an envelope and an overseas stamp. As I am being dispatched into the big scary jungle again next week I won't have access to the Tinterweb for a while so to make me feel all loved and wanted when I get back I urge you to throw some thoughts down on a page and post them off. There is a loop truck that should hopefully visit the site about two weeks after I get there so feel free to pack out your letters with minstrels and mars bars - they will be well received!

You can reach me at: PO Box 14182, 88848 Kota Kinabalu, Sabah, Malaysia

I wait with baited breath......

My new pet

I'd like to introduce you to Bessie my friendly neighbourhood cockroach. I was desperately trying to get her to scamper near a bar of soap or make-up bag to give you some perspective of her size but alas she was being camera shy. She is in fact nearly as long as my toothbrush - a toothbrush which incidentally no longer lives in our bathroom. There is a viscous rumour circulating the house that cockroaches live off left-over food bits in toothbrushes (yuk!) Maybe I should just cut out the middle man and use her as my toothbrush instead!

HAPPY PADDY'S DAY (FROM BORNEO)

As you can see my eye-rish roots break through no matter where I am! Alas St Patrick's Day isn't commonly celebrated in Kota Kinabalu so I was slightly limited in my paddy paraphernalia purchases. No human shamrock costumes this year just some shabby green and gold balloons and a bit of sticky back plastic. The end result, however amateur, was still VERY amusing for Lolita (our Filipino chef) and Julija (my Lithuanian comrade).

I should explain that the bizarre pointing photo is actually me pointing (in a culturally acceptable manor!) which way the great Emerald Isle is (although given my recent failings at map reading and GPS there's a very real chance it's completely the other way!)

Happy St Patrick's Day everyone
Love Vic xxxxx

Give us a sign

Imagine going to the shops and announcing that you're off to.......

Roger that !!

I always knew I had a face for radio and finally I've proved it. I've been let loose on the airwaves. Since returning from Jungle Camp I have been stuck back at field base and I am now on the radio rota. I have to do a 24-hour slot living in the lovely room pictured below and saying things like "Roger that Alpha One" and "Delta, Bravo Fluffy Bunny" (or something like that!) - I'm VERY important!!!

Just to the back of the piccie is a shabby old bed with a thread-bare mozzie net, all of which is positioned under the broken window that opens out on to the sewage pipe. Without air con the room has an average temperature of a Swedish sauna so with my eye mask and face mask securely in place I look a bit like I'm wearing a burkha going to bed (and a very sweaty one at that!)

I've had to draw the line at wearing my ear plugs to bed just in case a real emergency does kick-off in the middle of the night and I'm oblivious to the fire station bell ringing it's little heart out above my head!

The other lady in the piccie that I would like to introduce you to is the lovely Dr. Susan who is the most unlikely doctor in the world - she's absolutely fab! I've got a secret suspicion that she probably bought her medical degree off the Internet as she's even more ditsy than me. The poor girl has to spend endless hours in the radio room listening to spotty prepubescent teenagers calling up to tell her all about their puss seeping rashes on their private parts (hence the permanent radio room expression on her face!)

I'm on duty tonight so it's time to start brushing up on the phonetic alphabet again. I can remember Alpha, Bravo, Charlie but then I get a bit lost and have been known to say D for Dinner and E for Ebay !!!!!!

Nose pegs at the ready
Vic xxx

Lost in Translation

Greetings from the land of shoes, showers, and soft comfortable beds! Yes folks I am back in the land of the living having survived my second visit to Jungle Camp - this time with 109 'young' people.

I had the shock of my life at the airport as I stood, clipboard in hand, ready to welcome the 'kids' when a hoard of 6ft-odd strapping men and women came rocking through the arrivals hall. There wasn't a Spiderman lunchbox among them!! The girls all looked like they could be my mates and half the guys could get me into a lot of trouble!!!! It seems the 'youth' that I am here to develop have already done a fair bit of developing before they got here! Compared to the local kids that arrived the day before, the Europeans look like they've been on hormone acceleration tablets - it's frightening.

Thankfully the two groups bonded pretty much straight away, on our first night the Malaysian participants gave a lovely demonstration of bamboo dancing and we introduced them to the Hokey Cokey in return - culturally classy I'm sure you'll agree.

I then had my first group exercise the next day so I decided to play an icebreaker to get to know everyone. It was kind of a take on the 'Freak or Unique' game where people have to reveal a unique fact or party trick. I managed to get one of the girls to turn her eyelids inside out, one guy admitted to being in the Guinness Book of Records (as one member of the largest gathering of adults dressed as apes) and one girl was the great, great, great, great (and possibly a few more greats) grand-daughter of Mr Crapper himself (inventor of the flushable toilet for anyone who missed that particular history lesson) . For my part I admitted to having three butt cheeks (followers of my travelling antics over the years will remember the unfortunate incident involving a bottle of gin, a snowboard and flight of stairs in New Zealand that left me with ripped gluteals in my nether regions!!). All of this was going remarkably well among my fellow Europeans who were finding it highly amusing but there was a slight satellite delay for the poor Malaysians who had to rely on a rather bemused and slightly disgusted translator. The look on their faces when she'd finished explaining my bottom tale was priceless - I thought perhaps it had lost something in translation but thinking about it she probably got it spot on.

Lots more to tell but the thought of a proper shower and a good nights sleep (on a bed that doesn't point downhill and involve white knuckle holding on to stay in) is far too appealing. so I'll sign off. I'll update again tomorrow and stick some more piccies on (I'm the greasy one with the fuzzy hair!)

Bye de bye
Vic xxxxxxxx

A rare staff night out !!